Lessons from Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes: Superwoman doesn't exist
“Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life. If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I’m probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a prestigious award, I am missing my baby’s first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter’s debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh’s last scene ever being filmed at Grey’s Anatomy. If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the tradeoff. That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother. You never feel a hundred percent OK; you never get your sea legs; you are always a little nauseous. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.”
I am currently reading Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes and her authenticity fills me with reassurance. Although in the above quote, she talks about balancing her work life with her life as a parent, the quote easily applies to the balancing act required of modern life. Today we must often balance careers, families, social lives, volunteering, intimate relationships (phew!), and still somehow find time for the business of self care. Thus, the quote reassures me that I was right about an inkling I had all along. Superwoman is a farce. She does not exist, and trying to be her is unattainable. While I value working hard (sometimes extremely hard) to do my best in all areas of my life, balancing often requires compromise, which mean that sometimes I am my best in one area in my life at the expense of other areas. I can exhale knowing that, it's normal, it's human and it's o.k.
There are times that a super busy work schedule means that my consistency at the gym falters. As integral as working out is to my self-care, I don't always prioritize it, although I'm working on making self-care a more routine practice, because it is essential. Other times, life events and busy schedules limit my ability to be the most present in my personal relationships. I mean to be and I aim to be, but I'm redefining what and how I can be more present and show up for the people I love. It doesn't always mean that I can stay on the phone for two hours, but if I can only give 30 minutes of a listening ear, then I want to fully show up for that 30 minutes.
It's refreshing to hear a super successful woman like Shonda Rhimes tell the world that no one can have it all by doing it all alone. Even with help, she admits that she still sometimes fall short much like we all do. We can all free ourselves of the burden of perfectionism by admitting that we need each other and we need help...and that's o.k.
Cheers,
Nika